Proverb / Kotowaza
居候の三杯目
Someone who is dependent on the hospitality of others must be reserved and careful not to overstep their bounds.
A dependent’s third bowl of rice.
Quick Answer
Someone who is dependent on the hospitality of others must be reserved and careful not to overstep their bounds.
- Literal Image
- A dependent’s third bowl of rice.
- Closest Equivalent
- A guest is a burden after three days.
- How to Use It
- Used to describe the awkwardness or necessary restraint felt when staying at someone else's house or relying on their resources.
Meaning
A person living in another's house as a dependent (isourou) becomes particularly hesitant when asking for a third serving of food. This proverb describes the feeling of being constrained and having to show restraint in all matters when relying on the kindness or support of others.
Literal Image
A dependent’s third bowl of rice.
Equivalent Proverbs
A guest is a burden after three days.
Refers to the loss of welcome over time, similar to the hesitation felt when requesting more resources.
How to Use It
Used to describe the awkwardness or necessary restraint felt when staying at someone else's house or relying on their resources.
Tone
Reflective and humbling; describes a sense of social obligation and restraint.
Examples
親戚の家に居候している彼は、居候の三杯目で、食事でも入浴でも何かと遠慮がちだった。
Living as a dependent in his relative's house, he was hesitant about everything from meals to using the bath, like a guest on their third bowl of rice.
居候の三杯目というように、人の厄介になっているうちは、自分の好き勝手にはできないものだ。
As the saying goes, one cannot simply do as they please while relying on others for support.
就職が決まるまで友人の家に泊めてもらっているが、居候の三杯目で、冷蔵庫のものを勝手に食べるなんてとてもできない。
I'm staying at a friend's place until I find a job, but I feel too restrained to even take things from the fridge without asking.
Learning Notes
Key Vocabulary
Uses the specific term 'isourou' (dependent) and simple grammar, but the idiomatic meaning requires understanding the social weight of 'sanbaime' (third bowl).
居候
いそうろう / isourou
dependent; freeloader; one who stays at another's house for free
三杯目
さんばいめ / sanbaime
the third bowl; the third serving
Usage Profile
Usage note: Use this to describe the internal feeling of restraint rather than to mock someone for being poor.
Misread Risk
Do not use this to literally criticize someone's appetite; it refers to the social psychological state of being a burden.
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Origin
This proverb originates from an Edo-period senryu (comic verse): '居候三杯目にはそっと出し' (A dependent puts out their third bowl softly). It describes how a person receiving free lodging can easily accept the first or second bowl of rice offered to them, but feels a deep sense of hesitation when asking for a third. This represents the humility and 'narrow shoulders' required of those who must rely on the kindness of others.
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