Proverb / Kotowaza
居候三杯目にはそっと出し
Those who are supported by others should maintain a humble attitude and show restraint in their requests.
A houseguest asking for a third bowl of rice should hold it out quietly.
Quick Answer
Those who are supported by others should maintain a humble attitude and show restraint in their requests.
- Literal Image
- A houseguest asking for a third bowl of rice should hold it out quietly.
- How to Use It
- Used to describe the necessary humility and reserve expected from someone who is being hosted or financially supported by others.
Meaning
This proverb teaches that a person living as a dependent in someone else's home must never forget their place or the gratitude they owe their host. While it might be natural to ask for helpings of food, by the third bowl, one should demonstrate hesitation and reserve to show they are not taking the host's generosity for granted.
Literal Image
A houseguest asking for a third bowl of rice should hold it out quietly.
How to Use It
Used to describe the necessary humility and reserve expected from someone who is being hosted or financially supported by others.
Tone
This expression carries a cautionary and humbling tone, can be used as a lesson in social etiquette.
Examples
居候三杯目にはそっと出しというように、彼は友人宅に泊まっている間、食事でも何でも遠慮がちに振る舞っていた。
Just as the saying goes about a guest's third bowl, he behaved very reservedly regarding meals and everything else while staying at his friend's house.
Learning Notes
Key Vocabulary
The vocabulary is relatively straightforward, but the idiomatic context of the 'third bowl' and the grammatical structure make it an idiomatic expression less transparent for beginners.
居候
いそうろう / isourou
houseguest; dependent; parasite
三杯目
さんばいめ / sanbaime
the third bowl (of rice or drink)
そっと
そっと / sotto
quietly; softly; reservedly
出し
だし / dashi
putting out; presenting; offering
Usage Profile
Usage note: Be careful not to use it in a way that sounds overly derogatory toward someone who is genuinely in need of help.
Misread Risk
Do not interpret this strictly as a rule about eating rice; it is a general metaphor for showing restraint and humility when being supported by others.
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Origin
This proverb originated from lifestyle habits during the Edo period. It serves as a practical lesson (shoseikun) that a dependent—someone living in and being cared for by another's household—must never forget to show gratitude and restraint toward their host. The phrase specifically captures the imagery of asking for a third helping of rice; while the first or second bowl might be presented normally, the third should be offered quietly and hesitantly to show that one is mindful of their position.
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