Proverb / Kotowaza
有りての厭い、亡くての偲び
People find someone annoying while they are alive, only to miss them dearly once they have passed away.
Distaste while present, longing when gone.
Quick Answer
People find someone annoying while they are alive, only to miss them dearly once they have passed away.
- Literal Image
- Distaste while present, longing when gone.
- How to Use It
- This expression is used when reflecting on the regret or newfound appreciation one feels after someone has passed away, comparing current longing to past irritation.
Meaning
This proverb describes the human tendency to fail to appreciate someone's value while they are still here, focusing on their faults. It is only after they are gone that one realizes their importance and feels a deep sense of nostalgia and loss. It suggests that true value is recognized only through absence.
Literal Image
Distaste while present, longing when gone.
How to Use It
This expression is used when reflecting on the regret or newfound appreciation one feels after someone has passed away, comparing current longing to past irritation.
Tone
Reflective and regretful, can be used in a literary or formal context.
Examples
生前は口うるさいと思っていた父だが、亡くなってみれば恋しい。有りての厭い、亡くての偲びだ。
My father seemed so annoying while he was alive, but now that he's gone, I miss him. It truly is 'distaste while present, longing when gone.'
Learning Notes
Key Vocabulary
The proverb utilizes classical grammar (arite, nakute) and literary vocabulary (itoi, shinobi), making it significantly more difficult than daily conversational Japanese.
有りて
ありて / arite
being present; while alive
厭い
いとい / itoi
distaste; dislike
亡くて
なくて / nakute
being gone; after death
偲び
しのび / shinobi
longing; fond remembrance
Usage Profile
Usage note: Since it implies the person is deceased, use it carefully to avoid sounding insensitive about the loss.
Misread Risk
While the literal meaning suggests general loss, it is specifically used to describe feelings toward people who have passed away.
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Origin
This expression stems from the observation of human psychology where individuals fail to recognize the true importance of someone while they are present, realizing it only after they have been lost.
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Source Note
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