Proverb / Kotowaza
遠慮は無沙汰
Being too reserved and refraining from contact can lead to becoming estranged.
Reserve results in neglect.
Quick Answer
Being too reserved and refraining from contact can lead to becoming estranged.
- Literal Image
- Reserve results in neglect.
- How to Use It
- Used to encourage someone to reach out to a friend or acquaintance they haven't spoken to in a while, or to explain why a relationship has drifted apart.
Meaning
When you worry too much about bothering someone and hesitate to call or visit, you may unintentionally end up losing touch. This proverb warns that excessive restraint or over-politeness can damage a relationship by creating long periods of silence.
Literal Image
Reserve results in neglect.
How to Use It
Used to encourage someone to reach out to a friend or acquaintance they haven't spoken to in a while, or to explain why a relationship has drifted apart.
Tone
The tone is cautionary but practical, advising a balance between politeness and staying in touch.
Examples
「遠慮は無沙汰」というから、久しぶりでも気軽に電話してみることにした。
They say 'Enryo wa Busata,' so I decided to call them casually even though it's been a long time.
Learning Notes
Key Vocabulary
While 'enryo' is a Japanese word, 'busata' is less familiar to beginner learners, and the specific connection between reserve and neglect is idiomatic.
遠慮
えんりょ / enryo
restraint, reserve, hesitation
無沙汰
ぶさた / busata
neglect to contact, long silence
Usage Profile
Usage note: Do not use this to justify being rude; it specifically targets the silence caused by over-politeness, not the importance of manners themselves.
Misread Risk
Learners might mistake 'busata' for 'bad behavior', but it specifically refers to the failure to visit or send news to someone.
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Related Proverbs
Origin
The proverb explains that because of 'enryo' (worrying too much about the other person's convenience), one ends up refraining from contact. This results in 'busata' (neglect of communication), which eventually causes the relationship to grow cold or distant. It serves as a warning against being excessively reserved.
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Source Note
Where did this entry get its data from? The reference links are listed below. To understand how to read this section, see Data Sources.